Sharing the Care: Living with Dementia in Community

By Christine Hall

A Message to Families and Caregivers of Loved Ones with Dementia

Caring for someone with dementia is one of the most profound and tender experiences a person can have. As a family member or caregiver, you may feel the weight of love, responsibility, grief, and devotion all at once.

It’s a journey that can feel isolating, but you are not alone. And most importantly, you are not meant to do it alone.

In this post, we want to talk about what it means to share the care, especially when that includes memory care as part of the journey. We’re here to help you feel supported, seen, and affirmed every step of the way.

“We do not abandon our community when in need. We rally around our community.” -Jake Gamble, Generations Home Care

The Emotional Landscape of Dementia

Dementia can affect memory, behavior, and communication in ways that can be deeply disorienting for everyone involved. The person with dementia may struggle to recognize familiar faces, manage daily tasks, or even find words to express themselves. As a caregiver or loved one, you may feel a quiet ache for the person you once knew, even as you continue to love them as they are now.

That’s why compassion, patience, and support (both emotional and practical) are so important.

When Memory Care Becomes Part of the Journey

Many families begin with loving promises.
“I’ll always take care of you.”
“I’ll never move you to a ‘home.’”

These words come from a place of deep love; but dementia is unpredictable. As your loved ones’ needs increase, you may find that caring for them at home becomes overwhelming, even unsafe. When that happens, memory care is not a failure.

It’s a continuation of care. One that brings skilled support, structure, and a compassionate environment that’s built for your loved one’s needs.

Choosing memory care doesn’t mean you’re stepping away. It means you’re creating a team around your loved one, and giving yourself the space to keep loving them in a way that’s sustainable.

Letting Go of Guilt, Holding On to Love

Many caregivers wrestle with guilt or shame when making the decision to seek outside care. These feelings are normal, and they deserve compassion.

You may feel like you’re breaking a promise. But here’s the truth: you’re keeping your promise to love and protect them. You’re doing what’s best, even when it’s hard.

When we share the care:

• We create space to be present with our loved one again.
• We reduce burnout, allowing us to show up with more heart and less exhaustion.
• We honor our role in a way that’s balanced, sustainable, and loving.

Love isn’t measured by doing it all alone, it’s measured by showing up, again and again, in ways that truly help.

Dementia Care is a Circle of Support

In a memory care setting, your loved one is not alone, and neither are you. They are surrounded by a compassionate team of caregivers, a familiar routine, and a supportive environment designed to bring them comfort and dignity.

You are still part of that circle of care.

• You help preserve their identity by sharing stories and memories.
• You bring reassurance through your presence.
• You remain their connection to family, history, and love.

Memory care doesn’t replace your love, it strengthens it with added support.

Grief as Unexpressed Love

Dementia brings a unique kind of grief. Sometimes it’s hard to put into words. One moment your loved one knows you. The next, they may not. There can be frustration on both sides, especially when they’re trying to express themselves and just can’t find the words.

We often carry this pain silently. But as someone once said, grief is unexpressed love.

And love still has so many ways to show up.

• A soft touch
• A shared song
• A photo album revisited
• A familiar scent or blanket
• A quiet moment sitting side by side

These moments matter. They are reminders that even when memories fade, connection remains.

You’re Not Letting Go—You’re Letting Others Help

If you’re facing the decision to move your loved one into memory care, you may feel like you’re “sending them away.” But that’s what fear and anxiety often tell us—not reality.

The truth is:

• You can still visit.
• You will still have time together.
• Your bond doesn’t end when someone moves into care.

What you’re doing is allowing others to help carry the weight. You’re choosing peace and safety for your loved one, and giving yourself the chance to keep loving them in a way that nurtures both of you.

You’re Not Alone

Sharing the care means embracing the strength of community. It’s trusting that even as others step in to help, your role in your loved one’s life remains irreplaceable. Dementia may change how we connect, but it never diminishes the need for connection itself. Whether you’re providing care at home, navigating the transition to memory care, or offering support as a friend or neighbor, you are part of a beautiful, difficult, and meaningful journey. A journey of love, resilience, and grace.

Please remember:

• You are doing your best.
• You are not failing.
• You are still loving them with all your heart.

Thank you for everything you do. Your care, your courage, and your compassion make all the difference.

We’re here with you, every step of the way.

Join us for a Support Group for People Whose Partners Have Dementia on Wednesday, April 16, at 3 PM.

This gathering provides a safe space to share experiences, gain support from others facing similar challenges, and receive guidance on caregiving complexities. The group is limited to 12 participants to allow for meaningful discussion.

RSVP is required—please contact Sarah Doerner (253) 756-6387 to reserve your spot and receive the location details. We look forward to supporting you on this journey.

(To participate in the Holistic Wellness programs, you must be an FTJ Wellness member $50 sign-up fee available to community members 55+.)

Additional Support Resources

• Alz.org Support Group at Cogir at The Narrows
  • Contact Leah Amyakar at 206-369-2544
  • Meets 1st Saturday of each month

• Alzheimer’s Hotline (open 24/7): 800-272-3900

• Website for resources and support: alzwa.org

• Other Support Group Meetings (Call 800-272-3900 for more details):
  • Tacoma: 1st Thursday, 11:00 AM – 1:00 PM (in person)
  • Tacoma: 1st Wednesday, 10:00 AM – 12:00 PM (in person)
  • University Place: 1st Tuesday, 1:00 PM – 2:30 PM (in person)