What I Noticed When Visiting My Parents This Holiday Season

By Christine Hall

Recognizing When a Loved One May Need More Assistance—and How to Talk About It with Love

The holidays have always been a special time for me. No matter how busy life gets, I look forward to coming home—the soft glow of the lights, the familiar smell of cinnamon and coffee, the sound of Dad humming as he carves the turkey. It’s the rhythm of love that has carried through all the years.

But this year felt different.

As I unpacked the ornaments and listened to Dad tell the same funny stories he’s told every Christmas, I noticed something I hadn’t before. Mom seemed thinner. Her steps were slower, her energy lower. A few bills sat unopened on the counter. There was food in the fridge that had expired and a tray of cookies forgotten in the oven. The house that once sparkled with her special touch looked just a little more cluttered than usual.

It wasn’t one big thing, it was a collection of small ones. Quiet details that whispered, something is changing.

Seeing with Love, Not Judgment

The holidays have a way of opening our eyes if we let them. Between the laughter and the chaos, there are quiet moments where we really see the people we love. That’s when I realized how easy it is to miss what’s right in front of us when we only talk on the phone or check in briefly.

According to the Institute on Aging, nearly one-third of older adults live alone, and many experience growing isolation or physical limitations over time. It’s no wonder that so many parents say, “I’m fine,” even when they’re not.

I found myself silently asking questions I’d never asked before.

• Are they still spending time with friends?
• Do they seem more forgetful or distracted?
• Are medications being taken correctly?
• Is Dad keeping up with bills and appointments?
• Have their eating or grooming habits changed?

Those questions weren’t just about health; they were about independence, dignity, and love.

When you start noticing these small changes, it can break your heart a little. But it can also open it wider.

Starting the Conversation

I’ll be honest; it’s not easy. The thought of talking to my parents about getting more help felt heavy. These are the people who held me when I was sick, who taught me to ride a bike and to believe in myself. How could I be the one to tell them what they might need?

But love, I’ve learned, sometimes asks us to do the hard things.

So, I took a deep breath, sat down at the kitchen table, and said, “What are your goals for the future, and how can I help you reach them?”

That question changed everything. It didn’t feel like confrontation, it felt like partnership. They told me they want to stay in their home as long as possible. Mom admitted the housework was getting harder. Together we came up with small steps: maybe hiring someone to clean once a week, setting up grocery delivery, or inviting a friendly visitor now and then.

If your parents ever mention that they’re tired, lonely, or overwhelmed, consider that as an opening. Visit a few senior living communities together. Sometimes just seeing what’s possible, seeing that support can mean freedom, not loss, can bring incredible peace of mind.

Holding on to What Matters Most

Not every concern needs to be solved right away. Sometimes love looks like patience, like simply sitting beside someone, folding laundry together, or laughing over an old photo album.

As Barbara Silverstone wrote in You & Your Aging Parent, “It’s best to keep the holidays warm and lighthearted.” And she’s right. These conversations about care and change don’t have to happen all at once. They can unfold gently, with time, trust, and tenderness.

So that’s what I did. I helped with the dishes. I listened. I soaked up every moment of togetherness…the soft music, the laughter, the stories that never get old.

Because one day, we’ll look back and realize that these small, ordinary moments were actually the most extraordinary of all.

If you’re noticing changes in your own parents, please know you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel worried or unsure. It’s okay to take it one step at a time. And when you’re ready, we’re here to walk beside you with compassion and understanding.  We have immediate availability in assisted living, memory care, and skilled nursing. Call us anytime at 253-752-6621; we’re here to help you and your family find the right support every step of the way.